The Unknown Cause

By Cappuccino Girl

Genre: CJ- centric. Angst.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: In the Shadow of Two Gunmen

Disclaimer: Okay, once more... This isn’t my show. These aren’t my characters. They belong to Aaron Sorkin, Josh Wells Productions, and Warner Bros.

Notes: I love my walks home by myself in the dark, when it’s drizzling and the leaves on the sidewalk have gone all soggy. It’s my creative half hour, and this is what came out of one of them, after I had just seen ITSOTG for the first time.

She’s been going here frequently, far more frequently than she used to. She walks this way in the dark, when people won’t notice the figure of the White House Press Secretary, and can’t see the expression painted on her face. It rains sometimes, but she still walks anyway, for she hopes it might clear her head before she kneels and says the same words over and over again.

She drifts along the dimly lit street, eyes forward, but not focused. The wind blows behind her, causing a paper bag to rustle by before landing in a puddle on the road, losing its shape as it dampens. Thoughts run through her head, but she can’t even make out where they come from, so she looks ahead and keeps walking. As she trudges through the rain, she wonders why she still hasn’t found the reason why it all happened. She wants so desperately to know, to find peace once more. Maybe it was her lies to Danny, but that seems too trivial.

An ambulance races past her, illuminating the sidewalk with blue light, the sound piercing her ears. Her whole being aches at the noise, and she can still feel the pieces of gravel embedded in her hand, the cut stinging on her forehead. Little flashes of memory. Moments clouded with terror. Had she hurt someone?

She’s crossed the road, was just following the group, totally oblivious. The way is familiar, more familiar than it used to be, yet she can barely differentiate the one walk from the next. It’s hypnotic, and she comes home each time feeling like she’s been returned to the world without a map of the changes.

A person clutching a briefcase rushes past her, hitting her slightly as he whisks by, and the ground before her alters. It’s all people, and screaming, and the tarmac coming closer, ever closer, until she falls. It’s blank, nothing, just tarmac, and slowed down noises, intense and crystal clear.

“Everything happens for a reason, Claudia,” her mother had told her when she nine. Reasons have come and failed, yet she wracks her tortured mind each day for the cause. She’s convinced that it wil happen again otherwise.

The heavy door creaks as she opens it, the weight almost causing her arm to buckle. It shuts heavily behind her, and the sound of her shoes hitting the stone floor echoes through the building. Each step is methodical, almost dull melody, as she walks down between the rows of pews before kneeling, crossing herself.

“Forgive me Father,” she says quietly, sincerely. So she prays, and asks for forgiveness for all the unknown things she might have done to have caused that gunshot filled evening.


~ the end ~
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