Constant Becomes Variable

By Cappuccino Girl

Rating: PG-13
Genre: CJ/Sam. Angst. Drama
Disclaimer: All the ones you recognise belong to Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Productions, and Warner Bros. The unfamiliar ones are mine.

Notes: Follows ‘And So They Part’
This instalment has been a long time in the making, and I’ll blame my other creative escapades for that. Eris, you are Da Woman. Thanks infinitely many times for your fab beta reading and little talks. I listened to Watershed by Indigo Girls so many times while writing this, that it really does deserve a mention too.

Summary: CJ fixes his tie for him sometimes, and always carries an umbrella. “And now she hangs up on me.”

The backyard would be nice; rushing through the cast iron gate which leads there, throwing the bags onto the terrace before walking through the open door, past the porch swing. The dogs, two golden retrievers, would wag their tails, letting out a few happy barks. They’d alert her family, who’d come to the kitchen, and it would be hugs and laughter, and she’d feel like she was 20 again.

“Nurse,” she speaks frantically into the pristine white of the hallway. “I’m looking for Grace Cregg. She had a car accident, and is having surgery for, for- “

“CJ,” a familiar voice calls, and she spins around to see a tired face looking at her.

“Matt. Where is she? I asked the nurse and-” she points, out of breath, and bends over a little to gather her strength again.

Matthew reaches over and gives her a quick hug. “She’s out of surgery. Doctor said her condition is still critical as she’s had severe head trauma and internal bleeding,” he tells her as they stride down the hall. “She’s in the ICU and we can’t go in yet. Next 48 hours are critical.”

She takes a deep breath, and grasps her brother’s hand firmly. “How’s dad?”

“He’s pretty shook up, doing his best to see the glimmer of hope.”

They reach the screened windows of the room, and she finds herself gulping because it seems so familiar. After Josh she prayed each day that no one she knew would ever be in such a state again, yet now she is here, and it’s family. “Dad?” she questions softly, resting her hand on his shoulder.

“Honey.” He turns around and hugs her. “I’m so glad you got here. Doctor says she’s holding up well.” He points towards the fragment of a woman connected to all the machines, and CJ does her best not to shudder at the sight.

“What about you?” She smiles weakly, if only to make her father feel somewhat at ease.

“You know.” He shrugs his shoulders, and ushers them across the room to take a seat. “We can’t go in, so we might as well be comfortable. You want something to drink?”

“No thanks, I’m fine,” she says, pondering how odd it should be that tragedy brings people close together.

“So, CJ, how’s the press?” her brother questions, trying to avoid an uncomfortable silence.

“Annoying as ever. And your computers?”

“Good, slightly less profitable than twelve months ago, but fine nonetheless.”

“When’s David going to get here?” she asks, pondering the absence of her younger brother.

“He called just before you arrived,” her father fills in. “Said his flight got delayed, but he expects to get here by 8.”

“Nice having kids all over the country, isn’t it?” she jokes feebly.

“Hey, I get to see you more than him. TV has its-”

They are cut off by a ringing coming from CJ’s bag and she rummages around to find her phone. She checks the glowing display, and when it says ‘Sam’, she clicks the button twice, hanging up without talking. “Not important,” she says quickly, dumping the phone back into her purse, smiling briefly out of habit.


~* *~


“Carol?” Donna calls from the other end of the corridor. “You heard from CJ?”

The dark haired woman turns around. “She phoned briefly yesterday evening. Sounded tired but positive.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Donna smiles. “Staff in ten.”

“See you there,” Carol calls after her. “ Oh, Donna?” She walks back towards Carol’s desk. “Can you give these to Josh?” She hands her a stack of files, and Donna does a confused spin around before deciding on the correct direction to leave.

She weaves her way through the hallway, bumping into Sam, his hair dripping, water pearling on his coat. “Forgot your umbrella?”

“You could say that,” he sighs

“Leo’s looking for you.”

“Okay,” he says, wandering towards his office. “Morning, Cathy.”

“Hey Sam. Leo’s looking for you,” she says as he drops his things in a giant heap on the chair.

“So I heard. Anyone else request my presence?”

Cathy glances over her notepad. “No, not yet, although give that an hour and I’m sure it will have changed.”

He fixes his tie, because he’s sure it’s crooked. “I’m off to staff then.”

As he walks to his boss’ office, he recalls how CJ fixes his tie for him sometimes, and always carries an umbrella. “And now she hangs up on me,” he thinks.

“Hey Margaret.” He gives her a questioning glance.

“He’s waiting,” she states briefly because she’s on the phone.

“Morning Leo,” he says, closing the door behind him, and accepting Leo’s invitation to take a seat. “Gathered you wanted to see me.”

Leo places his reading glasses, along with the documents he is holding, onto the desk before taking a seat himself. “Yeah. I was talking to CJ last night. Any idea why she didn’t know about the information, which has leaked from the First Lady’s office, confirming some of Senator Mier’s allegations?” Sam stares blankly at him. “I assume you were going to inform her of all that, seeing as it doesn’t quite fit into Toby’s line of duty.”

“Umm, I don’t know.”

“So was there some kind of misunderstanding between the two of you?”

His eyes flick around the increasingly hostile room. “Who? Me and CJ?” he gulps.

“No. You and Toby,” Leo says casually, and Sam is relieved that the person seated across from him isn’t angry.

“No.” He shakes his head profusely, just as a knock sounds at the door.

“Come in,” Leo bellows.

“Hey, Leo. We do have-” Toby pokes his head around the door and stops talking when he sees Sam sitting there. “Am I interrupting?”

“Nah. Just talking about missed communication.”

Toby enters, muttering something inaudible under his breath.

“I called her,” Sam states matter-of-factly, and two pairs of eyes are suddenly fixed on him.

“Sorry?” Leo asks, confused.

“I called her. I didn’t forget,” he continues, and he’s starting to wonder when the shovel for the hole he finds himself digging became invisible.

“You didn’t. Then why didn’t she-?” Leo’s brow furrows, while Toby stands smugly there, enjoying the entertainment he predicts will follow.

“She hung up on me.”

Leo gives him a stern glance, questioning what he is hearing. “She hung up on you?”

“Yes,” Sam states, squirming a little in his chair, yet desperate to be honest.

“Why?” both Leo and Toby ask in unison.

Sam stares at the floor, feeling quite ridiculous. “We had an argument,” he says, and it comes out more like a question than a statement.

“Oh.” Leo regards the agenda on his desk, hoping for some cryptic memo on Sam and CJ’s fight. When none is there, he sighs and it mixes with Toby’s chuckle.

“You had a fight with CJ?” Toby laughs. “And now she won’t speak to you?”

Sam can’t quite bring himself to nod, for he feels the anger tingling in his chest.

“What are you, five?” Toby continues.

“I wanted to tell you all, and she said I was manipulative, and then we exchanged some colorful phrases before she stormed out,” he says begrudgingly.

“Tell us all what?”

Sam looks up apprehensively, and those ever present words that he relies on for everything seem to have vanished. “That we are...” His index finger waves back and forth to indicate ‘together’, and he watches Leo and Toby’s jaws drop in unison.

“Hey there, happy campers,” Josh says merrily while strutting into the office, Donna and Carol in pursuit.

“You are...” Leo mimics Sam’s gesture as Josh enters.

When Josh sees the expressions on their faces, he comes to an abrupt halt. “Who is-?” Josh also does the motion.

“He and CJ are,” Toby fills in.

“Oh my God, Sam!” Donna chirps. “That’s so great.”

“Wow,” Josh sighs, slumping into the nearest chair in shock. “Never in a million years would I have thought that you and...” His voice trails off.

“You and CJ, huh? Got yourself an incredible woman,” Toby says, a hint of nostalgia in his tone.

Sam nods quietly in complete agreement, and then scrunches up his face when he recalls how this moment is the reason why the woman he loves isn’t speaking to him. He turns to Leo, expecting some form of reprimand.

“We’ll keep it quiet,” Leo says calmly.

~* *~

“Excuse me,” a gentle voice whispers from behind her. “You may go in and visit her, but only one at a time, and for ten minutes,” the woman explains, and CJ stirs slightly at the words.

“Thank you,” she says gratefully, and turns towards her father as the doctor departs. “Dad?” She nudges him gently, and watches him open his eyes. “The doctor said you could go in and see her if you like.”

He smiles weakly, rising from his chair to walk into the room. CJ and her brothers observe the moment through the venetian blinds in silence . She watches the tears fall down her father’s face, and it occurs to her that she’s never seen him cry. His tears resemble her own.

David holds onto her hand tightly. “She’ll be okay. You do know that, don’t you?” His voice sounds unsure.

She turns away, wanting to be somewhere else, anywhere.

“CJ. Where are you going?” her brother questions.

She pauses, head down, attempting to explain why she can’t stand any more pain, for there is no more space for scars, and she’s sure there isn’t another drop of blood for her to bleed. The ring of her phone interrupts her thoughts.

“Hey Toby,” she says, her voice positive, synthetic. “Yes. My father is with her now. How are things at work?” She fiddles with her hair while he talks.

“I’m not phoning entirely about work CJ,” he explains, and she can tell by the background noise that he must be outside.

“Oh.” She looks apprehensively around the room. “Just calling out of friendship then?”

“Yeah. See how you were, and to say...” his voice trails off. After an awkward silence, he clears his throat. “I’m really pleased for you CJ.”

She shoves her left thumb into the pocket of her jeans, and leans against the wall. “Pleased about what?”

“For you and Sam. I’m really happy for you and-”

She throws her head back, furry burning her eyes. “How the hell do you know about...?”

“He told us today.”

“He did, did he?” she asks, rage echoing down the line. “Well, not only is he the most selfish asshole I have ever met, but I think you ought to know that we are no longer together.”

Toby lets out a knowing sigh. “Heard about the fight. You shouldn’t be childish, CJ.”

“Oh piss off, Toby!”

“I’ve been there. I know,” he maintains.

“So?” She paces the length of the room.

“Don’t cut him off, CJ,” he says, and the wise tone in his voice is unfamiliar.

She is silent for a while, not wanting to admit her compliance. “I have to go now.”

“Okay. I’ll keep you informed.”

She shrugs her shoulders. “So will I. Bye.”

She closes her phone, and sighs deeply, sitting on the back of the couch in the room.

“CJ. CJ,” Matt places his hand on her shoulder. “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost or something. Are you okay?”

“Hmm?” she gazes blankly up at him. “Yeah, yeah. It’s just that...” she takes a deep breath. “I think that everything which I saw as a constant has just become a variable.”

Her brothers both regard her quizzically. “I’m not so sure I follow.”

She stands up. “I’m not sure I do either,” she says before wandering down the corridor, yearning for fresh air.


~* *~



The breeze causes her coat to whip about her ankles as she strides down the hospital steps, towards the little park in the center of the complex. A squirrel scampers across the lawn clutching a nut in its mouth. Birds gather around some old bread which has been laid out. She watches them as they move around in the group, looking up every now and then. They seem to communicate somehow, and she wishes she knew the secret.

She misses their walks in the park, her and Sam, holding hands. He’d stop when they’d reached the bench, gaze into her eyes and she’d feel like she had fallen two thousand feet into a bed of cotton balls. How she misses that incredible lightness, his sincere touch.

She pulls her cellphone out of her pocket, opening it, yet hesitating to push 5, his number on her speed dial. Their relationship is now at the stage she never wanted it to reach, at that awful place where her colleagues know that she’s going against all social etiquette, and it frightens her more than she can bear. He breaks her into a million fragile pieces, alters her world beyond all recognition, and still she feels more shattered when they are apart. So she punches in his number, listening to the monotonous ring, until she hears his breath when he lifts the receiver.

“Samuel...” she whispers softly.


~To Be Continued~

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Feedback as always to cappuccinogirlie@hotmail.com
Visit the author’s website at www.cappuccinogirl.com